I just lost my dear Olivia...
The first time I saw her she was 10 weeks old and terribly shy--so much so that she hid from me whenever I entered the building she was in. She and her 4 litter mates were going to be tossed out in the woods somewhere--like garbage--by their owner because he did not want any more cats. I was able to intervene before he carried out his unbelievable (to me) plan and brought the 5 little ones into the rescue.
Each sibling was a different color and each had distinctively different personalities. All were delightful. Olivia tugged at my heart from the moment I saw her.
I worked to earn Olivia's trust and, though it took some time, she eventually sought me out for attention. Last winter she bonded instantly to a gentleman considering her for adoption but he chose another cat instead. My heart was heavy for this dear sweet girl who was always overlooked, I thought she'd finally found her "person" but sadly she was left behind.
So Olivia became one of my special girls. I love all my rescues but some just tug more at my heart strings than others. Livy was sweet and naive and purred nonstop once she found her purr...even purring for the vet techs when she got a routine blood test for FeLV/Fiv.
She loved climbing trees and spending the day at the pond and snuggling at night in her building with her brother, Nathanael. When I picked her up, she relaxed in my arms and purred a deep contented "I love you" kind of purr. She had finally come into her own, she knew she belonged here with me and was content with that. As was I...
About a week ago some kind folks drove down from Columbus to look at our many rescues--hopefully to adopt 1 or more. They had decided on Nathanael and Olivia and since they were going on vacation the day after visiting the rescue, decided they would pick the cats up this week. Their home would have been a place Livy would have been loved and cherished, the perfect forever home for she and Nathanael. I was so happy for them but knew I would also miss them both terribly. But my goal is that each rescue here find their own home--have their very own family. Livy was finally going to have that.
This evening when I was doing chores I heard a cat crying out for me. I looked around and found Olivia displaying some neurological symptoms. Immediately I went to work giving her subcutaneous fluids while she purred and rubbed her head on me. I realized there was something terribly wrong with her--more than I had the knowledge for--so called the vet and got Livy in the car.
Before we got to the clinic she was gone...
The vet assumed it was some sort of poison since Olivia was gone so quickly. I use no chemicals--no pesticides--anywhere on the farm--ever.
So I am left, as we all are when we suddenly lose someone we love--be it human or otherwise--asking how and why and what if...
The pain of loss oftentimes leaves us wondering if it's worth it--all this loving and letting people and animals into our lives and hearts--then painfully having to let them go.
Fortunately life eventually goes on and we open ourselves up to love again because deep down we know love is always worth it. Though love and loss inevitably intertwine and (at moments) become one-- intersecting at the very point of our fragile hearts and weary souls--love is always worth it.
For when we stop loving we stop truly living...
And tomorrow, when I bury my sweet, loving Olivia, part of my heart will go with her into the grave--the part I willingly gave the moment I first saw her.
"But now abide faith, hope, love these three; but the greatest of these is love." I Corinthians 13: 13
August 3, 2014
Shepherdess Blog
Copyright 2014 Jackie Deems
