Beatitudes For Those Who Comfort...
It has been a while since I've written a new blog, so much has happened in my life in such a short time. The upcoming summer seemed full of promise and I had a list of projects I wanted to accomplish.
The loss of my beloved nephew, Phillip, has hit me hard. There are so many people who are grieving Phillip's loss, so many whose journey through grief has just begun.
I continue to hear that, for some on this difficult journey, this time is being made even more difficult by those around them--those who, as they are trying to be helpful--inflict further wounds.
When I lost Richie, my only full-term child, much of the battle I had to fight was with those who would be comforters. These people would not have intentionally hurt me, I know this, but their words stung almost as sharply and cut so deeply as if they were intended to hurt.
None of us are comfortable with grief. In fact, many of us run from it or even just ignore it hoping it will go away if left unacknowledged.
But grief gets a firm hold and means to stay on in our hearts. And, it should stay, actually, at least for a time. Though it should not be a permanent guest that refuses to leave, it is a necessary part of living and loving and losing.
After my son died I struggled with many things people--well-meaning people--said to me in their attempt to make me "better" and to get me to return back to "normal". So I wrote "Beatitudes For Those Who Comfort" hoping it would be instrumental in helping would be comforters as they came alongside those who are grieving which also would help the bereaved in return.
I dedicate it now to Taylor, Phil's fiance, his family, those of us who love and miss Phil so very much, all those out there who are grieving a loved one's death or imminent loss, and those who would be comforters. May you find comfort in the arms of the God of all comfort!
BEATITUDES FOR THOSE WHO COMFORT
Blessed are those do not use tears to measure the true feelings of the bereaved.
Blessed are those who stifle the urge to say, "I understand", when they don't.
Blessed are those who do not expect the bereaved to put into the past someone who is still fresh in their hearts.
Blessed are those who do not always have a quick "comforting" answer.
Blessed are those who do not make judgments on the bereaved's closeness to God by their reaction to the loss of their loved one.
Blessed are those who hear with their hearts and not with their minds.
Blessed are those who allow the bereaved enough time to heal.
Blessed are those who admit their uncomfortableness and put it aside to help the bereaved.
Blessed are those who do not give unwanted advice.
Blessed are those who continue to call, visit and reach out when the crowd has dwindled and the wounded are left standing alone.
Blessed are those who know the worth of each person as a unique individual and do not pretend they can be replaced or forgotten.
Blessed are those who realize the fragility of bereavement and handle it with an understanding shoulder and loving heart.
Shepherdess Blog
July 18, 2012
Jackie Deems Copyright 2012
Beatitudes For Those Who Comfort
Jackie Deems Copyright 1987
It has been a while since I've written a new blog, so much has happened in my life in such a short time. The upcoming summer seemed full of promise and I had a list of projects I wanted to accomplish.
The loss of my beloved nephew, Phillip, has hit me hard. There are so many people who are grieving Phillip's loss, so many whose journey through grief has just begun.
I continue to hear that, for some on this difficult journey, this time is being made even more difficult by those around them--those who, as they are trying to be helpful--inflict further wounds.
When I lost Richie, my only full-term child, much of the battle I had to fight was with those who would be comforters. These people would not have intentionally hurt me, I know this, but their words stung almost as sharply and cut so deeply as if they were intended to hurt.
None of us are comfortable with grief. In fact, many of us run from it or even just ignore it hoping it will go away if left unacknowledged.
But grief gets a firm hold and means to stay on in our hearts. And, it should stay, actually, at least for a time. Though it should not be a permanent guest that refuses to leave, it is a necessary part of living and loving and losing.
After my son died I struggled with many things people--well-meaning people--said to me in their attempt to make me "better" and to get me to return back to "normal". So I wrote "Beatitudes For Those Who Comfort" hoping it would be instrumental in helping would be comforters as they came alongside those who are grieving which also would help the bereaved in return.
I dedicate it now to Taylor, Phil's fiance, his family, those of us who love and miss Phil so very much, all those out there who are grieving a loved one's death or imminent loss, and those who would be comforters. May you find comfort in the arms of the God of all comfort!
BEATITUDES FOR THOSE WHO COMFORT
Blessed are those do not use tears to measure the true feelings of the bereaved.
Blessed are those who stifle the urge to say, "I understand", when they don't.
Blessed are those who do not expect the bereaved to put into the past someone who is still fresh in their hearts.
Blessed are those who do not always have a quick "comforting" answer.
Blessed are those who do not make judgments on the bereaved's closeness to God by their reaction to the loss of their loved one.
Blessed are those who hear with their hearts and not with their minds.
Blessed are those who allow the bereaved enough time to heal.
Blessed are those who admit their uncomfortableness and put it aside to help the bereaved.
Blessed are those who do not give unwanted advice.
Blessed are those who continue to call, visit and reach out when the crowd has dwindled and the wounded are left standing alone.
Blessed are those who know the worth of each person as a unique individual and do not pretend they can be replaced or forgotten.
Blessed are those who realize the fragility of bereavement and handle it with an understanding shoulder and loving heart.
Shepherdess Blog
July 18, 2012
Jackie Deems Copyright 2012
Beatitudes For Those Who Comfort
Jackie Deems Copyright 1987
