I remember the first time I saw her, she was locked in a kennel at the dog pound, huddled in the far corner of her cage, too afraid to even look at me--just thinking about it caused her to tremble. "She's really not adoptable since she's so shy and afraid." The pound worker informed me. "We can keep her for a week but after that, her time will be up."
I couldn't get that little bundle of white fur out of my mind so I called the pound back the next day to ask about her status. "Today is her last day, we had a big intake of dogs and she's first on the list to "go" now.
I called my husband at work and pleaded for Bear's life. He said, "We don't need another dog". My reply, "Maybe she needs us" met with no further resistance. I went and got that little dog--along with all the adult cats the pound was housing--put them in the back of my van and went straight to the vet's to have everyone neutered. I hadn't even thought about what I was doing (I was just so glad I had them all out of the pound safely): 1 dog with 9 cats in the back of a van...but Bear just laid quietly and slept the whole trip.
When I brought her home the next day, she followed me everywhere. She became my chore dog and constant companion--20 pounds of fur and feisty. But she would not come into the house, not even for a moment. I soon figured out this little girl did not like to be caged, tied, or held back. She just had to be free.
So, I finally gave in and just allowed her to roam the farm. Our 1/3 mile long lane seemed to keep her off the road and at any given time of day or night she came immediately when I called her so I knew she remained close at hand.
My husband, I and the farm cats made up her circle of friends and she regularly scratched the farm cats' backs with her teeth (leaving them looking as if they'd been moussed) and allowed them entrance into her doghouse where they slept together.
She was a character, her normal bark was more of a "Woo-Woo" and, if she barked as a normal dog, it was rapid fire and for a reason. Like the time a very large dog (at least 3 times Bear's size) came out of nowhere, bearing it's teeth and menacingly coming towards me. Rapid fire barking was followed by a streak of white fur and Bear's broadside hit on the dog knocked it off its feet. I had saved her from death, she was saving me...
In the last few years of her life, Bear began wandering from our farm. For her own safety, I began to try and keep her contained. During that time she dug out of barns, climbed out of enclosures and even chewed her way out of chain link fence like a furry jaws of life. I rescued her back from 2 separate Humane Societies, one she was taken to by a Good Samaritan who had found her on the road, dazed and cold. She just had to be free...
It was determined she had Doggie Dementia and her new medications seemed to keep her content at times--at other times she would work herself up into a frenzy trying to get out of her welded wire kennel placed on stone slab so she could not dig out. We spent so many late nights together, her head in my lap, talking about all the sunny days and adventures we'd had on our 12 year journey.
Then she developed a growth on her toe and it was determined she likely had cancer. She quit eating and so I fed her canned dog food with a spoon. Her tail quit wagging, her eyes were vacant, but she didn't seem to be in pain. We spent long hours together--just being together. I did not want to let go--she hung onto life because somehow she knew I needed her to...
Until 2 days ago when she was obviously in pain. Maybe she was just having a bad day...let's see what tomorrow brings...but the next day was much worse as she cried out in pain...
A long conversation with my dear friend, Mary Ann, and my vet/friend brought me to the best conclusion for my beloved companion, my best furry girlfriend. She had several problems that were not going to get better and she was 12 years old. It was time for me to give her one last final gift--loving her enough to let her go.
Even though I could have taken Bear to the vet's office I asked the vet to come to our home--Bear's home--where she wouldn't be as stressed. I wanted her time to be as loving and comfortable as it could be. And, as the vet approached Bear to put her to rest, my little furry friend unselfishly gave me one last gift to show her love for me; she laid down in her most comfortable sleeping position as if to say, "I'm ready, don't worry about me, I'll be ok."
She just had to be free--my little Bear is finally free...
To my Furry Angel Friend
Many years ago I asked God to send me a special earthly friend, someone I could put my arms around, someone who reflected many of His attributes...
I asked for someone who would ...
Love me unconditionally, even when I wasn't loving or lovable
Forgive me, when I was angry or really made a mess of things
Listen, when no one else wanted to
Try to understand me, even if I did not always return the favor
Keep my deepest secrets and share my heartaches
Sit quietly beside me as we just enjoyed each other's company
Treat me as if I was the most special person on earth--when I was so very, very far from being that
It's not until now, that you're gone from my side, that I realize God answered my prayer the moment He brought you into my life...
I will miss you always, my Furry Angel Friend--my Precious Gift from God. I thought you needed me, but it was I who truly needed you...
Love,
Mom
by Jackie Deems copyright 2011
Hi Jackie. I will enjoy reading your blog with all your chores and interaction with your animals! I still want to come out sometime. Micah LOVES animals. So sorry to hear about your best buddy!
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